


Steady Heart

by sightandsound3733



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Getting Back Together, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8631874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sightandsound3733/pseuds/sightandsound3733
Summary: A steady beat goes 1, 2, 3, 4A steady heart goes "I love you more"





	

“You want to what?”

Alexander blinks at her with wide, startled eyes, so dark and yet absolutely sparkling with a brilliance that Eliza thinks might blind her one day. Not that she’d mind. She could gaze into his eyes forever if he was able to sit still for longer than five minutes. 

Eliza smiles, rolling over onto her side to be closer to him, curling into his warmth, burrowed under all her blankets and bedding. “I want to get to know John better,” she repeats herself calmly, reaching with careful fingers to brush loose strands of hair out of Alexander’s face. He leans into her touch, without seeming to realize he’s doing so and she smiles again, just a touch wider. They haven’t been together long, barely more than a month or so, but everything was so easy with the two of them. Effortless. Perfect. Made the few weeks feel like lifetimes in the very best way.

“You know John already,” Alexander’s arms wind around her waist, tangling them even more together. The brush of their bare skin stirs warmth low in her belly, pleasant and yet not quite distracting enough to derail her focus. “We see him all the time, 'Liza.”

“ _ You _ see him all the time, Alexander. Not me,” She wrinkles her nose at her boyfriend, tapping her fingers against his cheek. “Come on. He’s your best friend. He’s important to you and I barely know anything about him.” It was actually very upsetting how true that was.

“John’s a private guy,” Alexander shrugs a shoulder, lips quirking to the side. “He’s… he’s not exactly everyone’s cup of tea…”

Eliza frowns, just the barest downward pull of her lips. It was odd to hear Alexander say anything about John Laurens that wasn’t tinged thick with honeyed praise. She might not know much about John, but what little she did painted him kindly. 

John was an attractive man, that was clear, with warm eyes and a quick grin, he was brilliant, shown easily with how he kept pace with Alexander, he was passionate and spoke loud and open about his beliefs and all the things he cared about with a fire that could ignite even the coldest of hearts. Simply put John was just a genuinely good guy. Possibly the best guy, and she knew Alexander adored him, that there was no one else that he was closer to.

So to hear Alexander say something like even slightly negative was more than a little strange. Eliza trails the pad of her thumb over the sweep of Alexander’s cheek. He drops his gaze from hers, eyes finding focus on a patch of color in her comforter. “Sweetheart.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Alexander huffs quietly, still not meeting her gaze head on. “I love John. He’s… my favorite person in the entire goddamn world.” There was the smile Eliza’s come to associate with John Laurens, just a little thing, incredibly fond, almost tender. Sweet. It’s pretty, but doesn’t linger long on Alexander’s lips, too soon replaced by a frown as he continues. “But he’s not really a people person. He’s brash and abrasive, and he’s too quick to anger. Too hot tempered. He’s a sarcastic mess, tongue too sharp and too witty for his own good. Honestly he's too smart to get into the shit he does, and he says everything he shouldn’t and it pisses people off and-.”

“And he’s your closest friend in the entire world,” Eliza cuts him off, rolling her eyes while a warm smile crosses her lips. Alexander lets his words falter, dark eyes meeting her own head on. “Everything you just said might be true, I’m sure some of it must be, but you’ve told me so much more about John than all that. And we both know that everything on that little list are all reasons why you like him,” she smiles, tapping his nose, light and playful. “You say he might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but the fact of the matter is that he’s _yours_ , Alexander. Exactly your cup. And that’s all that matters to me.”

He's is quiet for a long time, just looking at her. His jaw works silently, arms go a little tighter around her. Eventually he sighs, pressing his forehead to her own, nose just brushing against her cheek. “He’s important to me,” Alexander mutters, parroting her words back at her. “And you’re important to me… I don’t know what I’d do if you two didn’t like each other.”

“I already like him Alexander,” Eliza reassures him softly, slipping her fingers into his hair. He’s wearing it loose more often now. She kind of adores it, the scruffy mess of a man she’s quickly falling head over heels for. “I just want to get to know him better. So I can like him even more.”

“...Okay,” Alexander’s eyes slip shut, giving in, giving himself to her. He presses a soft kiss to her lips. “Okay. I’ll talk to John, see what his schedule's like. He just started his rotations at Mount Sinai…”

“Whatever works best for him is fine,” Eliza smiles, kissing him again. "My schedule is easier to work around." Alexander merely nods in response. He doesn’t open his eyes again, just holds her closer still. Eliza cards her fingers through his hair, settling happily in his arms. As she drifts off to sleep,  she feels Alexander smooth a hand down her back before he takes her hand in his and kiss her fingertips. 

_ “ _ _ Cela ne se terminera pas bien, ma chérie _ ,” Alexander whispers sweetly to her. Eliza smiles, kisses his cheek. She doesn’t understand the French, has tried to learn it before and can barely get through trying to introduce herself before she sets it aside again, but she does so love to hear him speak it. That night she dreams of warm smiles and new formed friendship. Something sweet and simple. Perfect. Like her and Alexander.

\-------------

Days pass and Alexander doesn’t say anything more on the matter. Eliza tries not to push, she knows he’s busy, that he’s juggling his internship and graduate work, knows that his TA position with Professor Washington takes up so much of his free time. But really, there's only so long a girl is willing to wait for what she wants.

She knows she has to time bringing it up again just right, to catch him in a moment where there's little to cause a distraction, and after what seems like forever she finally sees her opportunity.   
  
It’s after they’ve come back to the apartment Alexander shares with John and Lafayette, a surprisingly pretty loft with high ceilings and hardwood paneled everything (Lafayette’s taste, Alexander had told her once. The Marquis foots a large part of the bill with no care and therefore he gets to choose any and all aesthetic preferences. She laughed when Alexander had rolled his eyes, managing to still look endlessly fond while he did it). It was late, and while Lafayette waved to them sleepily in passing on a trip back to his room from the kitchen, nursing a steaming mug of tea, John was nowhere in sight. 

“Is he still at the hospital?” Eliza asks, surprised. Alexander takes her coat from her, lays it over the back of a kitchen chair before his hands find her waist. “It’s so late though.”

“He’s shadowing an attending who works the ICU. But this isn’t unusual. Med students don’t sleep,” Alexander mutters, smiling as he brushes the dark curtain of her hair aside. Fingertips just ghost over her neck and Eliza’s breath leaves her on a sigh while her knees go weak.

“Like you’re one to talk-” Eliza manages before Alexander steals her words with lips at her throat. The kiss he presses is barely one, barely more than a simple sweep of affection, but she’s gone breathless at his touch, weak in his arms. Helpless to everything he’s willing to give her.

“Oh believe me, Eliza, I’m fully aware that I’m far worse than even my Laurens,” Alexander chuckles and then falls quiet. Eliza hums at his words, leans back against his chest and his warmth. She expects more words, perhaps an anecdote about his college days, long years with John and Lafayette that bring forth endless stories that she’s always eager to hear. There’s so much from their long time friendship that she is not yet privy too, but she’s eager to learn. 

But he doesn’t continue, there is no story. The silence carries on for a few moments, little more than a collection of heartbeats. It’s… stilted. Eliza turns in Alexander’s arms, turns to face him. He focuses when she sets her hands on his shoulder, smiles at her lovingly and steals a kiss before she can wonder what caused him to go so quiet. 

“Alexander?” She asks softly, winding her arms around his neck. Eliza isn’t sure what she’s asking, doesn’t know how to question the brief glassiness to her Alexander’s eyes. It had faded as he looked upon her, too quick to really catch and now he’s smiling again. 

“Let’s get to bed,  _ ma chérie _ ,” Alexander whispers, thumbs smoothing over the curve of her waist. “As you said, it’s so very late.”

The press of his hands at her waist and the gentleness of his smile are all Eliza needs to be coaxed to his bedroom. They’re both too tired to do more than strip each other almost bare and lave sweet and gentle kisses over each other’s skin before they’re slipping into bed. 

Eliza curls into Alexander’s side, rests her head on his chest with a yawn. She smiles when his arm falls across her waist and pulls her ever closer, when he drops a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m starting to think John and I will never have the time to talk,” she teases quietly, her hand resting on his chest, right over where she can feel Alexander’s heart beating steadily. “He’s so busy, I can’t imagine how you ever pull him away.”

Alexander hums in response for a moment, a sleepy sound, a lazy sound. It’s barely more than a confirmation that he’d heard her, and almost enough that Eliza would be willing to let it go again… if not for the sharp jump in her Alexander’s heartbeat under her palm. 

Eliza looks up at him, studying his face for a moment. Alexander’s eyes have drifted closed, his arms warm and loose around her. He looks relaxed, ready to drift off to sleep… and yet his heart has begun to race. 

“Alexander,” She prompts quietly, voice little more than a whisper. "Did you ever talk to him?" No answer, not even a twitch of an outward reaction. His heart thuds away, steady in it’s startling pace. “Alexander," she says again, the second prompting is a little sterner. He opens his eyes and meets her gaze. She says nothing else, she doesn’t need to. Eliza can see the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallows, and then nods. 

“I’ll talk to him in the morning,” Alexander promises, thumb tracing meaningless patterns at the base of her spine, just slipped under the sheer fabric of the top she’d chosen to sleep in. “I promise.”

Alexander has never broken a promise to her before, has always been a man of his word. Eliza smiles as warmth blossoms in her chest at his words. She leans up to kiss him, just once, soft and sweet. 

“Thank you,” she whispers. “Goodnight Alexander.” 

“Goodnight,” Alexander kisses her once more, presses his lips to her forehead instead of her lips, and then again to the top of her head before relaxing back into bed once more. Eliza is quick to drift off, Alexander’s warmth and presence more than enough to lull her off to sleep.

\--------------

It’s the lack of that warmth at her side that wakes her hours later. 

Eliza glances at the time, frowns when she sees how early it is, and sits up. A quick look around the room confirms that she’s alone, no Alexander in sight, not even sitting at his desk like she’s come to expect more often that not, startled awake by some idea he’s had in the night, or by a sudden need to write down whatever was plaguing his thoughts. 

A shiver runs up her spine as her feet meet the floor. She really should convince Alexander to invest in a rug, she has no idea how he can stand the chill of the early morning without one. Eliza sleepily grabs a discarded t-shirt of his from the floor and slips it on before heading for the door, eager to pull Alexander back to bed from whatever he could possibly be doing so early in the morning. 

“-have to do this now? It’s early, Alex, and I just got home. I’m tired.”

“John  _ please _ .”

Eliza pauses, just barely past the mouth of Alexander’s bedroom when she hears the voices drifting quietly up the hall from the kitchen. John and Alexander were talking together. She smiles, almost chuckles aloud. When she’d asked Alexander to talk to him she didn’t think he’d ambush his friend right after his shift. Poor John. 

She’s about to pad up the hall to join them, rescue John so he can sleep and she curl back up with Alexander in bed, when she hears a sigh. It’s a heavy sound, weighed down with exhaustion and sadness. It gives her pause, makes her linger. Was everything okay?

“Alex,” John says, so quiet, much quieter than she’s ever heard him before. John was usually so upbeat and energetic, blazing with energy and laughter. But right now he sounded so drawn, so tired. “Please don’t ask me to do this.”

“I know you’re tired, I know, I’m sorry,” Alexander has matched John’s tone too perfectly. There’s a quiet scrape of a chair against the floor, a shift as someone sits down. Eliza wishes she could see, could maybe just crane her head around the corner and catch a glimpse… but something told her this was private, something not to be intruded on. Listening in was offense enough. Alexander sighs. “We need to talk about this.”

Alexander’s voice burns low with quiet intimacy. She’s never heard him like this before. Cracked open and raw. Eliza bites on her lower lip and turns to head back to bed. She had no business listening in on-- 

“I don’t want to get to know Eliza.”

Or maybe it was exactly her business. 

She’s frozen in place, heart suddenly pounding in her throat. _What?_ Alexander is the one to sigh this time, just as tired as the one before, the one that must have belonged to John. Eliza presses herself against the wall, heart pounding rabbit fast.

“I really need you to do this for me,” Alexander pleads. “It’s really important to me that you try to do this. I know you’re tired-”

“Me being tired isn’t changing shit. I could sleep for a week straight, and it still wouldn’t make me want to talk to her,” The bite to John’s tone is new. Eliza doesn’t think she’s ever heard John talk with anything other than a smile to his voice. She didn’t think she much liked his voice without it. 

“John.”

“Alex.”

“Please. Eliza wants to get to know you, she likes you alot and wants to know more.” Silence. Alexander sighs again. The chair scrapes again, footsteps pad on the kitchen tiles, just for a moment before coming to a stop. A soft thunk, and John’s the one sighing again.

“Don’t look at me like that. Get up, your knees can’t handle that shit.” Alexander was on the floor? Eliza itched to see what was happening, maybe seeing would help her understand what was happening, why she felt cold, why her boyfriend’s friend seemed to want nothing to do with her. 

“Please. For me?”

“Alex no! That’s not fair, you can’t-.”

“ _ John _ .”

Silence again. This one last for much longer. Eliza fidgets in the hall. She should turn and just go back inside. She wasn’t supposed to have heard this, not at all, and now that she has, she can’t even process it. 

“Alright,” John breaks the agonizing silence, resigned and so so tired. “Alright. For you.”

“Thank you,” Alexander is desperate with his relief. Something odd and warm burns low in Eliza’s belly. It’s not a pleasant warmth, more of a prickle, a sharp little flame. It doesn’t feel nice, she doesn’t like it, not at all. 

She turns and slips back into the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind her, resting her weight against it for a moment. 

John doesn’t like her. He doesn’t like her, doesn’t want to get to know her or talk to her and Alexander just practically had to beg him to do so. Alexander had literally gotten on his knees before his best friend and-she didn’t understand. What could she have done to upset John like this, to make him sound like talking to her would be as unpleasant and painful as pulling teeth?

Eliza bites down on her lower lip, worrying over every single interaction she’s ever had with John Laurens in the past few weeks. They were few and far between to be honest, barely more than brief moments in passing around the loft, a few late night group dinner sessions sprinkled here and there. She’d always offered him smiles, kind words, genuine and warm. He’d always responded with a smile of his own and went about his business, talked and laughed with free abandon, leaning on Alexander and drawing bright laughter out of him and everyone else… but that was really it. 

Thinking about it now she’s not sure she can name a time John’s ever addressed her directly, can barely remember if they’ve said more than three words to each other on their own. Alexander had always been a buffer, so often set directly between them. She has to wonder now if that had been deliberate.

Has Alexander known of John’s apparent dislike of her from the start? Is that why he’s been so strange about the topic? Eliza’s gut gives a sharp twist at the thought of Alexander trying to juggle that type of stress, trying to balance between his best friend and her. And here she’s been pestering him so much about getting to know John better. 

“Nice,” Eliza murmurs, carding a hand roughly through her hair, wincing as her fingers catch on tangles. “Real nice Eliza.” She pushes off the door with a sigh, finding a seat on the edge of Alexander’s bed. She should lay down, curl back up in bed and wait for Alexander to join her once more. What did she care about John Laurens and whatever skewed perception he has that makes him dislike her? Alexander clearly didn’t care, he liked her just fine. Who cared about John Laurens anyway?

…

Well Alexander did of course. And that made all the difference.

Eliza sighs again, can feel the ragged way the sounds drags itself from her chest, and lets herself lay back on the bed. The sheets have gone cold now, completely absent of her and Alexander’s shared warmth. She wishes she could dispel the urge to talk to Laurens, to talk to this man who’d decided she didn’t deserve a chance in hell, and yet here she was, upset over someone she barely knew, a man she still found herself wanting to know even in spite of the new information in her grasp.

Thoughts spiral as she crawls back under the covers, curling her arms under the pillow, trying to force herself to relax. Why didn’t he like her? What didn’t he like about her? Why wasn’t he even willing to talk to her alone until Alexander had got down on his knees and begged for it? 

Eliza tucks her face into the pillow, eyes scrunched tight as she breathes in deep. She aims to calm herself, to center her mind and try to think with a clear head, but all she manages to do is inhale the mix of her perfume and Alexander’s cologne. 

The mix is sweet and spicy, and it causes a heady sort of warmth to slip over her. Somehow that simple mix of scents, the barest reminder of her and Alexander together as a unit, two joined to one, calms her more than anything else. She breathes in and out, nice and steady, the tension slipping from her shoulders with each passing moment. Her racing thoughts slow, emotions start to cool and Eliza opens her eyes. 

Okay. Better.

With the emotional rush dimmed Eliza feels like she can finally think, can finally pace through the information she had and patch the pieces together. Analyze the problem; John Laurens, her darling Alexander’s best friend in the entire world, doesn’t like her. Okay. She can fix that. Talk to him, get to know him, have him get to know her in kind. Once he got to know her she was sure that whatever doubts and uncertainties he held about her would vanish. John was probably under a lot of stress at the moment, balancing the hours at the hospital with his classes and case studies. Medicine was hard, obviously, and from what Alexander had told her John had been handling it with grace, but it’s bound to catch up to him sometime. And even if he wasn’t stressed, then obviously the poor man was exhausted, Eliza had heard that clear enough in his voice. 

Eliza smiles to herself, fully settled and relaxed with the conclusions she’s drawn. This was going to be okay, she was sure of it. She would make friends with John, Alexander would be thrilled and she would be happy. With the outline of a plan cobbled together she feels as though she can rest, can finally chase sleep once more. 

She drifts off with the faintest of smiles on her lips, even as the last thought to flit across her mind is to wonder why Alexander hasn’t come back to bed. 

\-------------------

Waking up the next morning she’s in Alexander’s arms and she smiles. He’s dead to the world, dark lashes fanned out over his cheeks, wispy strands of hair swept messily over his forehead. He looks at peace, a rare sight, and he’s so damn beautiful. Eliza is breathless. 

She presses the lightest of kisses to the tip of his nose, giggles softly when he scrunches up his face in response to the affection. Alexander wakes to her soft laughter, and he’s smiling before his eyes even open.    
  
“Good morning,” Alexander murmurs, voice rough with sleep, barely more than a rumble. Eliza presses closer into his warmth, kissing him properly. It’s sour with morning breath, but she doesn’t care. Neither does Alexander, as he smiles against her lips and she feels herself melting like putty already. 

“Morning,” she whispers back, breaking the kiss with a smile. She feels languid, liquid in her happiness and it’s so good she could be drunk on it, on Alexander. “Sleep well?”

“When I slept, yeah,” Alexander chuckles. A hand sweeps up her back, wide and warm. Eliza arches her back into the touch and he grins at her. Heat flushes at Eliza’s cheeks, she leans in for another kiss, biting gently at his lips. Alexander hums, content. “Took a while though…”

“Mhmm?” She hums noncommittally, trailing a hand over his chest, grinning when she meets an unrestrained path of bare skin. Alexander shivers at her touch, always so responsive. “Everything okay?” Snapshots of what she overheard earlier flit across her mind. Eliza swallows it back, focuses on what she’d decided the night before. She presses a kiss to the column of his throat.

“Yeah,” Alexander reassures her, breath hitching as Eliza’s trailing touch meets his skin with the bite of her nails this time, dragging just enough to leave marks over the stretch of his ribs. “All fine. Just finally got a chance to talk to John.”

“Really?” Eliza meets his gaze, smile sweet. Alexander nods, body pressing into her hands as his own settle comfortably at her waist. “What’d you do, jump him when he walked in the door?”

“I wouldn’t quite phrase it like that…” Alexander’s lips twitch, amused. “But it was right after he got home. He said he’d love to get to know you better. Just gotta find the time.” 

The lie falls from his tongue so easily, settling heavy over Eliza and she not to twitch at it. Alexander was just being sweet, he didn’t mean anything with it, had no idea what she’d heard while tucked out of sight. She kisses him instead, presses a smile to his lips, skims her teeth perhaps a touch too hard over his lower lip. 

“That sounds lovely,” She whispers, curling fingers into his hair. His breath hitches as she gives a tease of a tug. “Absolutely lovely. Thank you so much Alexander.”

“Anything for you,” he murmurs, rolling them over, pressing her into the bed. Eliza laughs and winds her arms around his neck. “Beautiful girl,” Alexander grins down at her, peppers her face with kisses. Warmth fills and flutters in Eliza’s chest, happiness sets her heart aflame and nothing could be more perfect than this. 

Their morning is filled with lazy kisses and languid happiness. Alexander’s hands are playful and warm, fitting themselves to the soft curve of her hips, wandering and tickling and teasing her while Eliza makes the valiant attempt to get them up and running for the day.

He has things to do, she reminds him as she leans into gentle kisses he presses to her neck, her fingers faltering as she attempts to do up the buttons on her blouse. She only gets halfway up before her fingers fall away, curling around Alexander’s wrists, just for something to hold on to. “You’re scheduled to run that study session with the freshman law babies. If you’re late you’ll make them anxious.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Alexander murmurs, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into her waist. “Let them fail. They don’t want to do the homework, why should I give up my Saturday to frown at them in person?”

“Because Washington will frown at you if you don’t,” Eliza hums, leaning back against the warm plane of his chest at her back. “Then you’ll pout at me all night long.” She looks up at him, twisting just a bit in his arms. “And I can think of much better ways for your mouth to be put to use.”

Eliza can’t help but laugh at that way his eyes twinkle madly at her, his hands go tighter at her hips. 

“You, Elizabeth Schuyler are some kind of wonderful,” Alexander grins at her, leaning down to seal their lips in a kiss. 

“I know,” She smiles, presses up on her toes and wraps herself up in his warmth. Alexander’s arms wrap around her waist and his hips press greedily against her own. Eliza hums into the kiss, parts her lips at the insistent press of Alexander’s eager tongue, can feel a soft gasp waiting as his hands skirt her back--

“Yo Alex, you in there?”

John’s voice at the door is enough to startle them both from the kiss. Eliza flushes, feels her face go warm and she bites her lip as Alexander steps away from their embrace. His hands leave her waist as though burned and immediately one flies up to bury into his hair. 

For a moment neither of them do anything. Eliza skims her gaze over Alexander, taking in the dark flush of his cheek, the kiss swollen set of his lips. Eyes dark, blown a bit wide, he looked completely debauched. A little thrill dances low in her belly at the thought that she’s the one that did that to him. 

“Yeah,” Alexander calls back after a moment clearing his throat, forcing his gaze away from her, turning toward the door. “I uh… come in.”

“What?” Eliza squeaks, hands fumbling quick for her still unbuttoned blouse as the door swings open. “Alexander I’m not--!”

“Man, I gotta talk to you I-” John freezes just inside the door when he sees them both there together. Eliza bites her lip, fingers fumbling on the top button. John blinks at her, wide eyed, a little shocked. He’s got hazel eyes, she realizes, noticing for the first time, a pretty mix of rich earthy tones swirling warmly together. _ First time we’ve really made eye contact _ , Eliza thinks, offering him a small smile, hoping she’s not too red in the face.

“Good morning,” Eliza waves, just a hesitant flutter of her fingers. 

“I- yeah,” John manages, voice choked. He looks away from her, the high arch of his cheeks darkening, along with the tips of his ears, just visible through his dark curtain of curls, loose around his face for once. “Morning. I, uh, I didn’t know you were still here Eliza, I’m sorry I-I would have-” John’s words falter, failing him as he gets all the more flustered. It’s quite cute actually, she thinks. Alexander clearly agrees, because he’s chuckling, low and fond shaking his head at his friend. 

“Did you need something, John?” Eliza asks, straightening out her blouse, trying to get herself in order. She can feel Alexander’s eyes on her, feels them trail over the curve of her figure, can almost feel his hands trace the same path he traces now and- 

John clears his throat, shifting, clearly uncomfortable. “Not really I’m good, it was… stupid I don’t- Yeah no. I’m good.”

“You sure?” Alexander asks, clearly calmer now, more settled. John looks toward him when he speaks, seems to settle a bit, tension dissolving from his shoulders. 

“I uh… clearly you guys were… busy,” John’s cheeks go darker, his gaze skirting quickly over Alexander, and then over Eliza again. She bites her lip and averts her gaze. God, okay, awkward. “I’ll go, it can wait I uh… I’ll be in my room, if you can talk before you guys go or whatever-” 

“Wait,” Alex reaches out for John, to stop him, but he lets his hand stop short, falters in his attempt, lets his arm drop back down to his side. Alexander sinks his teeth into his lower lip, flickers his gaze between Eliza and John, back and forth and then he straightens up. “You’re free today, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” John blinks at him. “I don’t have class, and I’m not due back at the hospital till tomorrow. Why?”

“Eliza,” Alexander turns to her now, smiling warm and wide, reaching for her. Eliza melts, smiles back, takes his hands in her own. “You’re free all day as well, my dear?”

“I am.”

“Perfect,” Alexander grins. “I think today would be a great time for you two to get to know each other better!” 

“What?” John speaks before she can, startled and unsure and Eliza has to try really hard not to let emotion flicker across her face. “Today? I-”

“Come on John. You’re free, Eliza’s free. What better time is there to do this?” 

“I just… I’m really tired, Alex. I’m barely functioning as is.” The excuse tumbles forth from John’s lips, and while it’s probably the truth, it still stings like knives. Eliza tries her best to keep her expression neutral, but something must give her away, because John hurries on to say, “No offense Eliza. I worked a long shift last night and I ju-”

“ _ Querido _ ,” Alexander drops her hands, turning to face John in full as he cuts him off mid word, before she could say anything in return. Eliza blinks at the language change.That Spanish, right? She thinks so. At the very least Spanish is one of the languages that she knows Alexander speaks. And that John does as well, apparently. He promptly goes still, pretty hazel eyes going wide.

“Alex-”

Alexander smiles at him, so warm and lovely and gentle, murmuring something she can't quite hear in his beautiful, lilting Spanish. She doesn't quite catch all the words, really only catches a ' _por favor_ ' and another whispered ' _querido'_ but it doesn't matter that she doesn't understand. Eliza feels herself smile just by from watching him. Alexander reaches for John’s hand, no, his wrist, lightly curling his fingers there. John’s eyes flicker down to look, immediately refocusing upward at Alexander's quiet, "John."

John looks like he’s got protests budding at his lips, like he wants to turn around and bolt straight from the room. For a moment Eliza is afraid that he’s going to snap, tell her he has no interest in knowing her and that he’d be happy to pretend she doesn’t exist, Alexander be damned… and then he smiles. 

He smiles and it’s a small, tired little thing, something that’s not quite all there, doesn’t quite light up his eyes like she’s seen him do in the past while he and Alexander laugh, but he smiles, and he looks to Eliza and the smile stays. 

“Yeah okay. Let’s do this.”

“Oh great!” Eliza clasps her hands together, smiling back at him, happy and hopeful. She will take what she can get and turn it on it’s head. Being the middle child practically trained her for situations like this. “That sounds lovely John. What’s a good time for you?”

“I dunno. I-No time better than the present I guess,” John’s hands shove deep in his pockets, pulling his wrist from Alexander’s grasp with a little jerk. “You just said you were free.”

“Right now?” Eliza blinks, surprised. “It doesn’t have to be right this minute.” She worries her lower lip with her teeth, taking him in. He looked so damn tired, hair loose and messy, dark circles purpling under his eyes. Eliza wants to tuck him into bed and let him sleep for a few more hours. Maybe one day she could count him a friend enough for him to allow her to do so. “It can wait,” she reassures, gentler now, warmer. “I know you’re exhausted, John. We can figure something out, do something a bit later maybe?”

“It’s better to just do it now while we’re all here,” John shrugs a shoulder and even with the smile, small and seemingly genuine as it was the words still sound like ‘we might as well get it over with’ to her ears. “I’m at the clinic early tomorrow morning and I’m already hurting for sleep so doing something at night is… I don’t have a lot of free time.”

“Okay,” Eliza nods, not wanting to fight it. She’s not going to throw away this chance to know him, to let him know her. “Now is good. We could go get breakfast…” She glances to the clock. Just about eleven. Alexander would have to leave soon. She’d love it if she could get him to eat something before he left. “Or brunch. Something?”

“Maybe just coffee first?” John shifts, shoulders hunching up a little higher. “I put on a pot before I came in here. It should be done by now…”

“That sounds great,” Eliza smiles again, wanting to set him at ease. John smiles back and gives a stilted little nod. His jaw works, eyes flickering away from her and off too Alexander, but no words come. John’s cheeks darken, an attractive flush under freckle constellations, and turns on his heel, scurrying out of the room without another word. Eliza waits until he’s out of earshot before letting the smile dim, sighing. This was definitely not going to be easy.

Alexander is at her side in an instant, having stepped closer the moment John turned his back. He takes her hand in his own, presses a kiss to her knuckles. 

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks, cradling her hand tenderly, like she’s some precious thing he treasures. “Fuck the freshmen, I can work something out. Maybe talk to Burr. And by talk I mean bribe…”

“We both know you can’t do that,” Eliza meets his gaze with a smile, settling easily at his gentle touch. “Washington wants you to lead them, not Aaron. And that aside, I want to talk to John, without you as a buffer.” 

“I’m not gonna lie,” Alexander worries his teeth over his lower lip. “I’m kind of insanely nervous about this. You guys talking… me not being there…”

“We’re going to be fine,” Eliza hopes she’s projecting the confidence she wishes she had. “Seriously, don’t worry. John and I are going to be just fine.”

“Just fine,” Alexander parrots back to her, smiling when she does.

“Perfectly fine,” she coos, smiling warmly. “Now come on. John’s waiting.” Eliza takes Alexander by the hand before he can fret any further. Alexander pouts, throws a few heavy sighs her way, but ultimately doesn’t protest when she tugs him out of the room, stopping only long enough to grab his satchel off the floor on the way out. 

John turns at their approach, full mug of coffee already in hand. A smile sits on his lips, a little wider than before, a little tighter. It promptly falls away when he sees Alexander with his bag on his shoulder. 

“You uh, you going somewhere Ham?” John tries to crack a joke, grip tight on his mug. Eliza bites the inside of her cheek. The tension is back in his shoulders, high and tight. “Thought we were all gonna talk.”

“You two are going to talk,” Alexander corrects, flashing John a shaky sort of smile smile. Eliza gives his hand a squeeze before letting it drop from her own, gently nudging him forward to get him moving. “I’ve got to run a study group for Washington’s intro class and I’m kind of already late.”  Alexander avoids John’s eyes, heading to the drying rack next to the sink to select a travel mug from amongst the cups and plates, reaching for the carafe of fresh coffee John left on the counter for him. 

“Are you serious right now?” John frowns, brow furrowing deeply. “You’re leaving?”

“I have to,” Alexander’s already weak smile falters, he clearly understands something in John’s eyes that Eliza can’t get a read on. She’s an outsider looking in on something now, some part of their friendship that she’s not sure is meant to be understood. It’s a weird feeling. Not bad. Just weird. 

Alexander’s hands fumble with the top of the now full mug, clicking it into place while he shifts, uncomfortable under the weight of John’s stare. “John, it’s part of my job. You guys are going to be just fine without me. It’ll be… fun.”

“Fun? Alex you-- Are you fucking kidding me?” Anger and frustration battle on John’s tongue for dominance. Eliza locks her fingers together, easing herself into a seat at the kitchen table, physically removing herself from this strange scene.

“I have to leave,” Alexander takes another step closer to him, so close that there’s barely any space left between them. Eliza blinks. She didn’t have the faintest idea what was going on between them, but she wasn’t blind to all the weirdness and tension. “John. I’m sorry.”

“Alexander,” Eliza tries to interject, as gentle as possible. “Sweetheart…”

“I wish I could stay,” Alexander says, grip pulsing on his mug, white knuckled when tight. He doesn’t seem to have heard her. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” John just kind of stares, lips parted, words clearly lost to him in the moment. Alexander steps backward, paces away from his friend, backwards to meet her at the table. He leans down and presses a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll be done around four.”

“We’ll see you later,” Eliza reassures gently, stealing the lightest of kisses from his lips before he can fully pull away. He straightens up with a smile for her, and an anxious sort of look back at John, readjusting his bag on his shoulder. 

“I… Right,” Alexander hesitates, for just a moment longer, and then he catches sight of the time. “Oh shit, I really am late, dammit!” He scurries around the table, throwing harried goodbyes over his shoulder. The door shuts behind him with an odd finality, a hard punctuation to Alexander’s departure, leaving sudden silence in his wake.

Eliza feels his absence viscerally, swallowing back a soppy, puppy love sigh, and turns her focus to John. His eyes are dark and unreadable, lasered in on the door, his mouth set in a thin line. He stands frozen, so still Eliza is certain he could be mistaken for a wax figure. The only thing that would give him away is the way the coffee mug is shaking in his grasp. 

Watching him makes her a little nervous. She’s heard stories about John’s temper, his quick fuse and quicker fists. Alexander tells the tales with laughter and good natured teasing, John with a strange mix of brash and bashful chagrin. Even Hercules and Lafayette speak with fond exasperation. The stories always sound so amusing, but she knows they’re told with amber colored glasses, usually drunken misadventures turned sober legends among friends. 

Eliza isn’t sure how to breach the silence, has no idea the best way to ease into a conversation like this. She knows what she would do if it were one of her sisters before her, knows how best to get Alexander talking, not that getting him started is the real problem, hell, she even has a few thoughts about Hercules and Lafayette. But John? No idea. 

He seems to have forgotten she’s there, still locked in on the door. The mug shakes a bit more in his hand, some coffee spilling over the sides and onto the floor without John being aware of it. Eliza clears her throat, carefully eases herself up from her chair.

“John?” She’s hesitant to approach him, but honestly she’s kind of afraid he’s going to drop the mug completely at this point. “Are you alright?” Eliza reaches for his hand, the one holding the mug, with gentle, unsure fingers, lightly touches the warm ceramic, fingertips just brushing along John’s skin. 

Her touch sets something off in him like a switch, his focus startling back like the snap of an elastic band. John jerks like he’s been shocked, the mug almost slipping from his fingers completely. Eliza barely manages to help him catch it, hands fumbling over each other, fingers almost tangling together. She can’t quite swallow back a pained curse as hot coffee spills over the sides, burning her hands.  

“Shit!” John is all action then, setting the mug on the table and guiding Eliza to the sink before she quite knows what’s happening. He quickly gets her hands under a stream of cool water. “Stay here, let me get the first aid kit.”

“John I don’t think it’s that bad-” But he’s already gone, headed up the hall, presumably to his bedroom. Eliza huffs a sigh, blowing hair out of her face. Just a damn perfect start to this whole mess. She does as she’s told, keeps her hands under the water, until she hears John return. 

In his arms he carries a formidable looking kit, setting it down on the table with a heavy thud. John’s fingers move quickly, unlatching the sides and opening the top. “Pat your hands dry, don’t apply too much pressure and come here,” the instructions come from him, short and clinical, delivered without a single glance in her direction. Eliza bites her lip and tries to not to feel like she’s facing a reprimand. 

There’s a dish towel that looks clean and feels dry, and she trusts enough in the fact that John, Lafayette and Alexander are adults who wouldn’t keep grody dish towels folded over the lip of their sink, so she grabs it and carefully pats her hands dry as instructed, wincing as the fabric brushes over the already tender burns. 

John’s focus is on her the minute she gets close to him. “Sit,” he mutters, pulling out a chair for her with one hand, unearthing a tube of burn cream from the kit with the other. Eliza sits, in awe as he tends to the burns without a moment’s hesitation. She has to admit, it’s a little impressive, to see him so in his element, even if it’s for something as minor as coffee burns. He isn’t quite looking at her, but his hands are gentle as he cradles her own, fingertips light and careful he applies the cream.

“They don’t look too bad,” He informs her, fingers pressing into her palm as he holds her hand at an angle so he can better inspect the burn in the light. “It’s pretty minor, should start to bubble soon.” John pauses, lowering her hand to lay flat on table, reaching for a roll of gauze and medical tape. “...I’m sorry. I should have been paying more attention.”

“Accidents happen. It’s partially my fault, I startled you,” Eliza reassures, looking up and hoping to catch his gaze. What she gets is the curve of his jaw, the sharp definition of his profile.

“I’m still sorry,” John sighs, shaking his head, the movement sending his thick curls bouncing. Eliza isn’t used to seeing him without a neat ponytail or bun. It makes him look younger. John’s gone silent again, his focus narrowed down to wrapping medical tape around neatly around the burns. Her left hand got it worse than her right, definitely smarts more, but John handles them both with equal care. 

She bites her lip in the heavy silence. With Alexander gone the little progress she’d seemed to have been making with John that morning had dissipated, he wouldn’t even look at her anymore. Disappointment starts to eat at the hope she’d let start to flicker in her chest. 

“There we go,” John finishes off the bandaging project with a neat little tie. “Check your range of motion.” He tracks the careful rolling of her wrists, never looking higher than her forearm. “How’s that feel?”

“Feels good,” She flexes her fingers, surprised by how easily she can move without disrupting the lattice lay of the bandages. Not too tight, but more than secure. “Thank you, John.”

“No problem,” He pulls back , fingers already busy with cleanup. “Least I could do-”

“You really don’t like me, do you?” The words come forth unbidden and intrusive on her tongue, freezing Eliza in her seat. John too goes still, fumbling the roll of gauze in his hands. Apparently she's surprised them both. 

“W-what?”

“You don’t like me, John Laurens,” Eliza folds her hands in her lap. “And for the life of me I can’t figure out why.” This is just happening, the words coming to her tongue without hesitation. It’s so not her style, but she can’t bring herself to really care. 

“I don’t… I barely know you,” John continues to clean up, the slightest shake to his hands now. “I mean, I don’t- Why would you say that? I didn’t spill the coffee on purpose I don’t-”

“I didn’t say you did,” Eliza frowns. He’s still not looking at her. That bothers her more than anything else, more than knowing what she overheard, knowing for a fact that this man had some ill judgement of her, that he doesn’t like her when he, as he just said, doesn’t even know her. “I know it was an accident. But that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t like me.”

The medical kit snaps shut, John lays his hands flat out on the top of it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” His voice is careful, controlled. 

“Please don’t lie to me,” Eliza sighs, crossing her arms in front of her. “I’m not- I’m just trying to understand. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you not like me, or not want to get to know me, but I want to try to fix things.” She leans forward in her chair, straining to catch his gaze. “I’d really like to get to know you, John Laurens. You mean so much to Alexander and-”

A laugh cuts her off, a bark of harsh, sharp laughter. “Yeah clearly I mean a hell of a lot to him.” 

Eliza’s frown deepens. “I know you’re upset, that you’d prefer he was here, but he can’t help that he has to work-”   
  
“I know that,” John snaps, finally, finally looking at her. His eyes cut to her own and Eliza can’t help but shrink back in her chair. She was fully expecting to see anger brewing there, something to match the tension he holds in his shoulders, but instead John just looks tired, drawn. His gaze drops to his hands. “I-” He mutters, words bitten off, abrupt yet not sharp. “I thought I hid it better…”

Eliza’s heart jumps to her throat. “O-oh…”

“Yeah,” John’s brows pull in tight, mouth twisting to the side. “I-Sorry. I didn’t… you weren’t supposed to notice or anything.”

“Well truth be told… I didn’t,” Eliza worries at her lower lip. “Call it a hunch.” She thinks about mentioning what she overheard early that morning, but that moment still strikes her as something private, something it’s better that John doesn’t know she heard any part of. “You clearly aren’t thrilled about being left alone with me, John.”

“It’s not you,” John looks back down at his hands atop the kit. “It’s really not, this is all me, okay?”

“It’s not you it’s me?” Eliza arches a brow at him. “Are you really going there right now?”

“Look, we’re not dating so it’s not cliche,” John rolls his eyes. “And it’s the truth! This has nothing to do with you, it’s all my issues.”

“Bullshit,” The curse falls from her tongue with an ease that surprises her. She doesn’t like to curse, Angelica and Peggy were always more free with it than she was, she just didn’t like it. “Bullshit John Laurens. That’s not how conflict works.”

“Eliza-”

“No sane person just decides they don’t like someone else out of the blue without getting to know them, or without reason” Eliza gets to her feet, arms crossing over her chest. She suppresses a wince at the pressure it puts on her bandaged arms. “And no sane person would just accept a bullshit reason like “it’s just my issues, sorry”.” 

“Never said I was sane,” John mutters, running a hand over his face. “Look-”

“There has to have been something I’ve done or said, or some impression you’ve gotten of me-”

“There isn’t. Can we  _ please _ -”

“And I don’t know what it could be, but we have to try to fix it!”

“Can’t you just leave it alone?” John’s fingers tangle in his hair, pulling the curls away from his face in a tight grip. It looks like it must hurt. “Seriously Eliza, can’t you just let it fucking go? Or at the very least tell that I don’t want to do this right now? Why does it matter so much to you?”

“Because Alexander-”

“He doesn’t care if we like each other!”

“-is your best friend and I don’t want to alienate the people who are important to him!” They’re getting closer and closer to yelling the longer this goes on and this wasn’t what Eliza wanted, not at all, but it’s what she’s got. “Obviously I’ve done something to upset you, and I don’t know what-”

“Let it go!” John snaps, eyes flashing. His hands, fallen from his hair, curl into fists at his side. “I’m telling you, it’s not your problem, and you don’t want to know!”

“Clearly I do! I’m asking you, John!” Eliza frowns at him. “I don’t understand-”

“You can’t,” John looks to the side, jaw tense and tight.

“Try me, I’m pretty smart. I’m sure I could keep up.”

“It has nothing to do with that-”

“Then just tell me!”

“Because you took him from me!” John’s eyes are wild and the words fly from his mouth like they’re been trying to break free, all in a rush and tumbling too fast, too angry  into existence and they leave a soul crushing silence in their wake. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that has been a long work in progress, as my dearest Emily (hydraxx) knows, and it's not quite finished yet. Here's to the ride it's been, and what's left to come. 
> 
> Come yell with me (or at me) @secretwritinggetaway on tumblr
> 
> ps: all of the terrible translations will be fixed, i was just tired of procrastinating posting this and my lazy ass will get someone who actually speaks french to help me out. 
> 
> ok love you.


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